May 2013
thatsnotcanon:
i don’t want to alarm anyone, but right now there’s a skeleton inside you and it’s covered in blood.
not-photogenic:
title of my autobiography: sorry
my to do list
1: you
trapghoul:
fuck all this “be a role model” bullshit placed on celebrities. it’s not their job to raise your nasty ass kids.
fefeferi:
when u accidentally hurt ur friends feelings and they insist that its fine but u know it isnt
americugh:
When a cute boy sneezes I don’t say bless u because I see that god already has
gloobear:
=
i don’t know whether to laugh or cry
assiest:
canadianslut:
I wish my name was Zoe so I could introduce myself like this
THE HARDEST I’VE LAUGHED AT ANY POST IN WEEKS
khajiduh:
if i were famous, i’d go to a red carpet event in a fashionable tan leather dress, and when they asked me who i was wearing, i’d say ‘i don’t know her name, but she had a beautiful complexion, didn’t she?’
internetexplorers:
*looks in the mirror*
what the fuck is that
vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:
pygmyalpaca:
vaspim1fag9392bitch383slut:
WE AT THE HOTEL MOTEL HOLIDAY INN pitbull - hotel room service
How do you remember your URL?
got it tramp stamped tatted on ur mom so everytime i fuk her i refresh my memory
robertoluongo:
in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
zombikki:
veganasfuck:
how many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
this is the best joke ever
vorfreudde:
you know how people lose their virginity, im like gaining it
“I am inside someone
who hates me.”
– Amiri Baraka, “An Agony. As Now.” (via larmoyante)
that-stupid-tardis-sound:
one time i got bored in class so i drank 3 bottles of water and when my teacher asked me what i was doing i told him i was trying to drown myself
me: bumps into mannequin in a shop
me: sorry
